


Mindful

by padawanhilary, Telesilla



Series: Complicated [9]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: BDSM, Blow Job, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-23
Updated: 2006-03-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:20:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padawanhilary/pseuds/padawanhilary, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's something Sean needs to address.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mindful

Sean settles into the sofa, relaxing a bit after he's taken his first sip of scotch. He's tucked one foot under the opposite knee, at ease for the first time today.

With that ease comes the reminder of things they need to talk about, and he reaches down to stroke his fingertips over Viggo's hair. "I've noticed something lately," he murmurs, "and I wanted to ask you about it."

"All right," Viggo says, smiling up at Sean. He's gotten to the point where he's realized how right Sean was; this time in the evening is becoming really important to him in more ways than just the obvious sexual one. _Seems I do need some structure,_ he thinks.

"You tend to ask for a lot," Sean says, and now he's choosing his words carefully because when they're in that space, when _he's_ in that space, there's a bit more clarity to what he's seeing than there is now, kicked back with a drink and his lover at his knee. "Do you realize you do that?"

Viggo's good mood suddenly vanishes and he abruptly knows just how much Sean's good opinion matters. It's one thing when Sean is praising him, but now, Viggo frowns at how difficult it is to consider the fact that Sean might not be pleased with him. _Did I let him get too far in?_ "Do I?" he asks, pleased at how steady his voice is.

"I think it's something that...when you're down there, you might not be...cognizant of." Sean's trying like hell not to notice -- or at least make assumptions about -- the stiffening of Viggo's posture, the suddenly cool, overtly relaxed tone Viggo's using.

"I'm not sure what you mean by asking a lot," Viggo says. "Can you give me an example?' He shakes his head. "This is...if I'm doing something wrong; I'm sorry, it's not deliberate." He can feel himself pulling back and it startles him. It's not like they're having an argument; Sean seems to be more thoughtful than actively upset. He takes a deep breath and leans against Sean again, trying to relax a little. It doesn't really work.

"Well, it's as if...whatever I'm doing to you, you want _more._ Which isn't a problem, exactly -- you're still learning -- but I'll be honest with you. You articulate it quite a bit, and I'm inclined toward thinking that a lot of this isn't enough for you."

"No," Viggo says quickly. "God Sean, it's not that. It's not that I want more than you can give." Even as he speaks he can feel Sean's words like a blow to the gut. This is hardly the first time he's been accused of wanting too much. "I...." his voice trails off and he holds up a hand. "Give me a moment? Please?" He takes a deep breath, trying to push back the defensiveness he can feel pressing at him.

"When I go under like this...it's...I feel overwhelmed and that's good. It's so amazing to be able to feel that way and... I guess you're right in a way. I get greedy." He looks down at his drink. "I'll try to keep from doing that."

That's startling, and Sean nods before he even means to, though of course he knows he shouldn't have that sort of reaction at all. "No, wait," he says, disliking intently the fact that this has made him unsure of his own reactions. "That isn't what I said at all. I don't want you martyring yourself, Viggo, I..." Fuck. Sean runs a hand through his hair. "This is what comes of not having proper rules," he sighs to himself.

"Is it?" Viggo says. "Am I resisting the formality too much?" It's a little easier now that he has a way to approach the problem that isn't as personal as him screwing up.

"No." Sean shakes his head. "I don't want to enact a list of rules, Viggo. That's not...we're not about that. But..." He tilts his head, trying to find the right words, and he toys his fingers over Viggo's hair, his favorite pastime. "Rules are easier, I'll admit."

"Is there room for compromise?" Viggo asks, relaxing a little at the familiar feeling of Sean's fingers in his hair. "It's difficult knowing you're not pleased with me." It's more than difficult, but for once with Sean he finds himself worrying about needing Sean's approval too much.

"Viggo," Sean sighs, and he opens his arms. "Come here."

A little surprised, Viggo moves up onto the couch and into Sean's arms. "I'm willing to work on this."

"I am, too," Sean says quietly. "And...I want to make it clear, Viggo, these aren't issues that will end us. Well..." He quirks a grin and an eyebrow. "If it goes on for twenty years, we might have a problem. But when I tell you I love you, that means I'm willing to compromise and work."

"Thank you," Viggo says gravely. "This whole thing leaves me more vulnerable than I usually am. It's taking some getting used to." He presses his hand against Sean's face. "I do love you."

Sean smiles. "Then we'll settle it. It might not be tonight, but we will. Sometimes, it takes a bit to parse everything out."

"May I ask for something?" Viggo says after a long pause. "Here, not while we're...in the middle of it."

"Yes," Sean says immediately. "Yes, Viggo." And he's really working, now...when did this get to be so difficult?

"What kind of rules would make this easier for you?" Viggo asks. "I know we won't settle this tonight, but can we make a start?"

Sean wraps his arms a little more tightly around Viggo and thinks. "I need you to trust me," he says at length. "If we're doing something, I need you to accept that I'm going to want to push you. Stop asking for 'more' and just...see where I take you."

"Oh," Viggo says softly. "God, Sean...I...I never thought it came across that way. Of course I trust you." He stares off into the distance, wondering why he didn't realize that his actions could be read that way. "I've been rather selfish, haven't I?"

Sean sighs, dropping his head. "I didn't mean that you didn't..._trust_ me, as such. But you have to believe that I'll get you where you need to go. Can you see the distinction? I never thought you believed I was going to hurt you, that wasn't the kind of trust I meant."

"No of course not," Viggo says. "You're asking me to trust your experience, aren't you?"

"Yes," Sean says, glad for Viggo's sense of terminology. "That's what I need. For you to trust my experience."

"I do, you know," Viggo says. "I'll do better to remember it when I get into a place where all I want is more."

"One thing I do need you to know," Sean warns softly, "is that if you continue to ask for more, you'll get it. And I don't want to hurt you more than you want to be hurt."

Something about Sean's voice, that slight menace that forces Viggo to remember how many times Sean's played villains, makes Viggo shiver just a little. He's ruefully amused to notice that his cock is taking an interest as well. "I'll bear that in mind," he says softly.

Sean slides his hand along the back of Viggo's neck to squeeze lightly. "And when I think you're ready," he adds, voice still soft, "I _will_ push you."

_Why not now?_ Viggo thinks before he can catch himself. He takes a deep breath and lets the thought go, concentrating instead on how good Sean's hand feels on the back of his neck. "Yes," he murmurs.

Pleased, Sean draws Viggo in to kiss him, aware now of exactly what he's going to do tonight. He keeps Viggo there for a moment, just exploring his mouth, and then draws back to look at him.

"Go get on the bed. On your back."

Not sure if he should take his pajamas off, Viggo decides to leave them on. It's strange how he's suddenly second-guessing himself, and he takes a deep breath as he lies down. _I need to be mindful,_ he thinks. _This is no different than any other art form._ It's a steadying thought, and he smiles up at Sean as Sean comes into the room.

Smiling back, Sean strips down, then joins Viggo on the bed. He stretches out over Viggo's body to kiss him, but there's no tension in it, no real hunger, just a long, slow, relaxed sense of learning Viggo's mouth all over again.

It's good, and Viggo finds himself relaxing into it, remembering what Sean said earlier. _He'll push me when he's ready._ And it's not like it's a hardship, lying here and being kissed by Sean. _No hardship at all._?

Sean just continues to kiss as though he has all the time in the world. He knows Viggo is either wondering now or will start to soon, and that's fine, too. Viggo will eventually learn that Sean does things in his own time.

Soon enough, Viggo does start to wonder what's next and when it'll happen, and he begins to understand that patience and mindfulness aren't going to be as easy as he thought they would. But that's good, the idea that he needs to put some effort into this, and he tucks the thought away for future consideration.

By now, Sean's familiar enough with Viggo's body and the way it feels to be aware of when he's struggling to be still. That's good, and Sean finally raises his head to look at Viggo just for a second, stroking his hair, before starting a slow, licking slide down Viggo's torso.

"Ohhhh," Viggo moans, fighting back the automatic plea for more. He wonders if Sean still want to hear him begging and then he tries to let that go as well, seeking the familiar space where he can't think at all.

Sean pauses at a nipple, licking his tongue over it steadily, then drawing it between his lips to suck on it. He's proud of how still Viggo's being, given that he's had no orders to go on, and he slips his hand down between Viggo's legs to give him a slow squeeze.

"Oh god," Viggo moans, pushing up against Sean's hand before he can stop himself. "God....good."

Ignoring the writhing, Sean just keeps licking, kneading Viggo's cock, and then he eases off and down, settling himself between Viggo's legs to tug Viggo's flannel pants down.

Spreading his legs, Viggo looks up at Sean hopefully. "Can...will you let me...beg?" He's not sure if that's too much or if it's something Sean wants, and he's prepared to do his best to obey if Sean says no.

Sean considers, then shakes his head. "You can beg only when I tell you to." He gives Viggo a heavy look. "And I'm not telling you to right now."

"God," Viggo moans. He catches his breath, and then closes his eyes, wondering if this will be easier if he can't see Sean, can't see what Sean wants to do next.

It doesn't make any difference to Sean, though, whether Viggo looks or not. He gets the flannel out of the way and then licks his way up Viggo's cock slowly. "Get comfortable," he murmurs. "You're going to be here a while."

The idea that this is going to go on for a while almost undoes Viggo and he moans, digging his fingertips into the bedclothes. He _wants_ it so much now and it's getting harder to remember that this isn't about what he wants.

The moan is so good, and Sean slides down Viggo's cock, swallowing him up by degrees, licking over the shaft. He's going to drive Viggo fucking bonkers tonight, and he wonders how long it'll be before Viggo's begging to _beg._

Sean's never done this for Viggo before, and soon Viggo's gasping for air almost desperately. "Thank you," he manages to groan. "Oh God, Sean...." It doesn't really surprise him that Sean's good at this, so far he's been good at everything they do in bed. For a moment, it feel wrong; Viggo should be the one blowing Sean, but no, this is what Sean wants and that's what's important right now.

"God," Viggo moans again, his voice softer as he feels himself suddenly dropping down into that familiar place. He can't stop moving, but his actions are less desperate now, less frantic.

That tone is exactly what Sean was waiting to hear, but it isn't as though that's going to change anything. Sean just keeps sliding his mouth up and down the length of Viggo's shaft, sucking gently and tonguing whenever he can.

It's easier now; while Viggo's still being driven mad by Sean's mouth, he's not thinking about what he is and isn't supposed to do. About the only thing he can concentrate on, beyond how good it feels, is the fact that he can't come until Sean says so. He whimpers a little, twisting his hips.

Viggo's whimper is brilliant, and Sean moans around the cock in his mouth, pleased. He pulls off briefly, climbing up and over Viggo to grab the lube from the night table, and then he settles back in again to run his tongue over the head of Viggo's cock while he slicks his fingers.

"Oh God, oh God," Viggo mutters, all but clawing at the bed. It's torture, not being able to beg, not being able to thrust his hips up, and it's fucking perfect. Sean will keep at this until he's ready to do something else and all Viggo can do is take it.

Still sucking, Sean twists his fingers into Viggo slowly, knowing it's nothing but a huge tease now. They've come a long way since the days of fucking madly against the front door, but he can imagine that Viggo would love that right about now.

"Sean," Viggo gasps, "Sean...I..." He clamps his jaw shut and stares up at Sean, wanting more than anything to beg. It's getting harder and harder to remember why he can't when all he wants is to do is get fucked, preferably as hard as possible.

Sean knows how hard Viggo's fighting it, and he tips his head to one side to give him a sharp bite on the inside of his thigh, countering that with a quick, hard drag of his fingers over Viggo's prostate.

"Ah!" Viggo yelps, even as the sharpness of the bite is burned away by the feeling of Sean's fingers inside him. Although he really needs Sean to fuck him, there's another, more perverse part of him that really wants this to go on forever.

And Sean wishes he could let it do just that, but he can only stand to keep going for a little while longer. He has to admit that he's responding to a measure of his own need when he pulls his fingers out and slicks on a condom.

And then another idea hits him, and he almost groans at the wait it'll bring: "You can beg, if you want to."

"Please," Viggo says, the word all but bursting out of him. "Oh God, Sean, please...please fuck me, please!" He doesn't stop there; he's dimly aware that he's still begging while he squirms and tires to press up against Sean's cock.

Sean lets Viggo babble for a moment, watching him, already breathing quick and hard, and then all at once he shoves in, yanking Viggo's thighs up and around his hips. He feels as though he should've said something like "brace yourself," but it's too late for that. He grabs Viggo's hands and grips them hard, pins them down, and starts to fuck him in sharp, dragging thrusts.

Viggo can't stop begging; even though he's gotten what he wanted, the words are still coming. Not that he has any idea of what he's saying, or any idea of anything else. All he knows for sure is that Sean is fucking him and that it's the best thing that ever happened to him.

Once Sean starts, he can't stop. He fucks Viggo hard, groaning and thrusting, almost animal, and Viggo's pleading just gets him close faster. He lets go of one of Viggo's hands and grits out, "Do it, come," and then hooks that hand over Viggo's shoulder so he can fuck him all the harder.

When Viggo comes, he's silent, his mouth open as he gasps for breath. It's so good that he has no energy left for noise; in fact it's almost too good, almost too much for him to bear.

Sean isn't far behind him, teeth gritted and hips still pumping till he comes hard, leaning down and biting Viggo's neck sharply.

When he's through, he sinks down over Viggo heavily, groaning. He can't even get out an expletive.

"Sean" Viggo murmurs, his voice barely audible. That's all he can say, and it's all he thinks needs to be said right now. Later he'll thank Sean; hell, for this, he'll happily lick Sean's boots for hours if that's what Sean wants.

Nodding against the side of Viggo's head, Sean finally remembers to let go of Viggo's hands. He doesn't want to roll off just yet, so he just shifts a bit, letting Viggo push his legs down and relax.

Viggo's no more eager for Sean to move than Sean is. Once his legs are flat on the bed, he wraps his arms around Sean and holds him close, needing the connection. _God, I hope I pleased him. I hope I was what he wanted,_

"That was good," Sean rumbles after a moment, petting Viggo's hair clumsily. "You were good."

The tension leaves Viggo then and he hums a little, his hands loosening their grip on Sean. "Thank you," he says, suddenly aware of the slight throb of the bite marks. _Funny how it didn't hurt at the time and even now they're not exactly painful._

It's good to just rest there a while, relaxing between Viggo's legs. After a while, though, Sean knows their bones just won't take it, and he finally shifts up and off to drape his arm around Viggo's waist. "Are you all right?" he murmurs, burying his face in Viggo's neck.

"Better than all right," Viggo says, stroking Sean's hair. "That was fucking amazing. Just...goddamn, Sean."

Sean manages a low snort. "Good. Me, too." He sighs again. "I think I'm broken."

Viggo wants to say something about it being mutual but then he suddenly smiles. "If you let me up, I'll get you a scotch and a damp towel." The idea of doing something--_oh all right, of **serving** him_\--is enough to give him some energy.

"What man in his right mind can say no to that?" Sean grins, and he shifts off. He grabs Viggo just as he's getting up, though, and tugs him back down. "I love you," he murmurs quietly, and gives Viggo a kiss.

_-end-_


End file.
